@LizHackett: Nobody works harder than a drunk person trying to carefully whisper a secret.
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@junejuly12: Sometimes I want to kidnap a few woman for two to three weeks so that their eyebrows can grow without fear
@Geanina_26K: I'm going to nap so hard today, my pillow Is going to need a cigarette when I'm done with it
@LeiaMarieG: My kid's insults to each other: "you have fat lips like Momma." "well, you have a big butt like Momma. Thanks, kids.
@paperphotoyo: Managed to scare off my prison pen pal. Crazy doesn't even begin to cover what's wrong with me.