@LizHackett: Nobody works harder than a drunk person trying to carefully whisper a secret.
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@littlestp123: boys love girls who go barefoot in the summer and comment on the texture of grass and say "ouch rocks" when walking on rocks
@ericsshadow: [hospital] DOCTOR: Your wife signed a DNR ME: I'm here for a sprained ankle DOCTOR: She insisted
@FrenulumBreve: Teenage Jesus: Hey dad, why you wearing that crucifix? God: It's an idea I have for a public holiday. TJ: Huh? G: It's complicated.
@TheCatWhisprer: You can tell a lot about a person based on what they use as a gender-neutral singular pronoun.