@wokkax3: Nobody's abs are good enough to convince anyone to move to Iowa.
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@IrishVin: My neighbour finally confronted me about clothes missing from her washing line. I nearly shit her pants.
@Adam14: I heard that sadomasochistic vegans like to get beet and artichoked. Some even like getting pead on. Don't turnip your nose at this.
@JasonIsbell: People always say “unceremoniously fired” like it ever happens any other way. I’d like to see a big ceremony for firing somebody. Get the gang together. Order a cake. Wear some special robes.
@zachv86: i saw this homeless guy talking to himself and i was like, "who is he talking to?" then i thought "who am I talking to?"