@wokkax3: Nobody's abs are good enough to convince anyone to move to Iowa.
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@rockymomax: [buys ghostbusters ringtone] ME: who ya gonna call? [1 hour later] ME: who ya gonna call?! [2 days later] ME: *sobbing* I am so lonely
@GianDoh: How can I relax when every aspect of my physical and mental state is governed by something called The Nervous System?
@drinksmcgee: Me: C'mon, baby. Send me a pic. Her: I dunno. Me: Baby, please. I need it. Her: Fine. *Opens pic of pug dressed like a duck* Me: Sweeeeeet
@LizHackett: Wrap toilet paper around you like a wedding dress and slowly get naked as you tear pieces off to blow your nose all day.