@rynbtmn: None of the scenarios in which I would require a watch that works 200m underwater are situations in which my watch would be my main concern.
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@SirEviscerate: Ghost cat: how'd you die? Ghost dog: i bit a guy that ran over my best pal and they put me down GC: i got hit by a car GD: I know GC: ilu
@LaLuchaNix: My neighbor shouldn't put up a fake graveyard for Halloween if she doesn't want me getting drunk and performing Thriller every night at 2AM.
@wife_housy: Being a mom means being the first one up in the morning, the last one to bed at night, and the only one drinking during church.
@brynnester: [Restaurant] Waiter: Would Sir care to choose his lobster? Me: There's only 1 in the tank & he's holding a sign that says 'I have a family'