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@HilariousEdited: noooooo 💀😂
@Bownuggets: Goodnight moon, goodnight stars, goodnight perfectly normal Purple Rain album cover where Prince's eyes follow u across the room
@roostermustache: Me: can i play music
Funeral director: that's not appropriate
Me: nana would've wanted it
CD player: someBODY once told me
@iwearaonesie: wife: Do you want a bowl?
me [eating ice cream out of the carton] Why?
@BruceForce: Me: Sometimes I wish I wasn't shy and introverted
Alcohol: I'VE GOT GREAT NEWS!
@Sassafrantz: Just farted in 3 different languages! Thanks, Rosetta Stone!