@HilariousEdited: noooooo 💀😂
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@hasht4g: I'll be buried in a spring-loaded coffin stuffed w/ tons of confetti. In the future some archeologist is gonna have an awesome day at work.
@bourgeoisalien: The number one cause of depression in people over 30 is hearing co-workers resentfully sing, "Happy Birthday" just to get cake.
@Adam_Kingsnorth: Starbucks? Yes I'd like a tepid mug of milk froth please. My name's Adam, but you can call me Aldin.
@InternetHippo: [fingers tented under chin] What can I tweet that won't make people yell at me [starts typing] Hello [brick flies through my window]