@JimmerThatisAll: Nope. Not gonna follow anyone whose name is upside down. I got enough problems.
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@Snotgun: I've conditioned myself to only poop at work. Now my bathroom smells great but I can't take more than 2 days off w/o terrible constipation.
@UNTRESOR: If you see a guy in an executioner's hood feeding a deer into a Coinstar today just let me do my thing.
@Jack_Wagon1: "What do you mean there's not a secret passageway?" "Sir, this is a library." *whispers* "What do you mean there's not a secret passageway?"
@onion_an: [on date pretending not to be a dung beetle] Date: What's your favourite meal? Me: Poop Date: What? Me: SOUP, I like eating soup