@GrumpyBahr: North Carolina just legalized same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Me: Can't wait to sit on my front porch with my black cat and frighten children. Coworker: I love Halloween. Me: I meant after work today.
@Ristolable: Me at 20: I'm smarter than everyone in the world Me at 28: I am so smart for going to the cheaper gas station
@FrenulumBreve: [at the zoo] Llama spits in my face I spit in llamas face Llama slaps me I grab llamas hair Scuffle ensues Llamas gf shouts "leave it Gary!"