@GrumpyBahr: North Carolina just legalized same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
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@Reverend_Scott: DAD: Your mother and I love you very much, and I'm not sure how to tell you this, but... you're adopted. DOG: OMG THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE
@RobElliottComic: That show Scrubs is bullshit. Not one person in this hospital joined in my song and dance number.
@DamienFahey: If you don't have your Florida ID with you on voting day, you can always show them a photo of yourself wearing a tank top to a funeral.
@CulturedRuffian: I just want the confidence of my grandpa in church taking a call from the pharmacy on speaker phone to confirm his Viagra prescription.