@AsgardianRose: North Korea banned the use of sarcasm towards the government; I wouldn't last an hour before they executed me.
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@TinaMav: I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mother's room. I can't believe it... she's a superhero!
@ChaseMit: Obama says he supports gay marriage because his views have "evolved." Republicans unsure which half of the sentence to get more angry about.
@NickSchug: Just once in movies when someone gently shuts a dead person's eyes I want them to whisper "Ew, ew, ew, ew." while doing it.