@AsgardianRose: North Korea banned the use of sarcasm towards the government; I wouldn't last an hour before they executed me.
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@stargazer15_: I'm the kind of girl that will suck helium from a balloon and talk dirty to you in a Minnie Mouse voice. Really dirty.
@KeetPotato: [talking to my guide dog] this better be the hospital this time and not wimbledon again [from a nearby speaker] "FIFTEEN-LOVE"
@brichie13: He's an owl with an attitude. She's a hawk who will take him to church. This fall, Sundays become Fundays on ABC's new hit 'Birds of Pray'!
@beefman138: I accidentally hired a wordsmith instead of a locksmith and now my latched threshold has been compromised by a metallic puzzle solver.