@AsgardianRose: North Korea banned the use of sarcasm towards the government; I wouldn't last an hour before they executed me.
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@ehdannyboy: I took biscuits with me on a date once. She called me a weirdo and said that biscuits was a stupid name for a cat.
@david8hughes: "You stand accused of 3 counts of first degree murder." "Look, I'm a lot of things--" "Are you a murderer?" [bites lower lip] "Little bit."
@murrman5: [god in a bad mood but insisting he's fine] I wanna make some changes to what we made yesterday "but the spider is done" Im adding 6 legs
@LeBearGirdle: Jesus: one of you will betray me tonight *checks phone* Jesus: WHO IN DAD'S NAME UNFOLLOWED ME?!" *judas slyly slips phone back in robe*