@SadieSmithRoks: Not a lot of people know this, but if you dress up like a pirate and go into Red Lobster, you eat for free.
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@weinerdog4life: Of course bears shit in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.
@GoFrankGo: Look, Clinton's gonna win. US President order has to follow Star Trek Captain order: white guy, white guy, black guy, woman, Scott Bakula.
@UncleDuke1969: Me: You should cut your toenails. Wife: Huh? M: You're scratching my leg. W: I'm WAY on the other side of the bed! M: That's kinda my point.
@ArfMeasures: [Bar] HER: I want to have sex so badly ME: [trying to impress her] I am so bad at sex