@LaBaPete: Not everyone understands my laundry method. It's simple. If it's clean, it's on the floor. If it's dirty, it's on the floor over there.
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@3sunzzz: [bed] M: "I'm freezing." H: *rolls over, adjusts pillows and blankets, wraps around me* [1 min later] M: "I'm hot, get off me."
@EndhooS: Boss "Are you high?" Me "If I was high could I do this?" *Inserts a USB into it's port the right way up 1st time"
@therealeatwood: ME: [in g-string and hardhat] You sure this is what Boss meant by strip-mining? [A bat swoops down and tucks a crumpled bill into my thong]
@AndrewNadeau0: All these pregnancy photos are so annoying. It's like, "Ugh, we get it, you ate a baby."