@LaBaPete: Not everyone understands my laundry method. It's simple. If it's clean, it's on the floor. If it's dirty, it's on the floor over there.
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@timdonakowski: Naming your child “Roger” is fine, until you have to tell someone about it over a two-way radio.
@BuckyIsotope: Black rotten roses & run over kittens Teeth falling out & a test is unwritten Naked in public becoming a meme Theseareafewofmyterribledreams
@JodiesJumpsuit: My son is playing by himself in his room and he is narrating his imaginary play activities in a voice like a French Werner Herzog: “We open ze barrel of monkeys, and we find zem all dead inside. Ze worst discovery of all. Who has done zis to zeese monkeys? Who is zis monster?”
@HeyoShellz: My 4 year old refused his dinner but it's ok because I caught him eating a Milkbone earlier