@tigersgoroooar: Not going to any more weddings or funerals. Please keep that in mind, friends who are considering getting married or dying.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: Around my neighborhood I'm affectionately known as "Please stop taking pictures of my flowers you weirdo."
@Nahdude83: Joe: If you love it so much why don't you marry it? Jim: Hmm [Two weeks later] Jim: Meet my new wife! *holds up Joe's wife's potato salad*