@decentbirthday: Not gonna lie, I'm pretty proud of this one.
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@Marcmywords2: Hey dad, the hospital called, patients are trying to rest, could you please turn down your television.
@michaelianblack: "God" not mentioned in Democratic platform means they don't worship God. "Money" mentioned eleven times in Republican platform.
@ItsAndyRyan: "The N stands for number – so no need to say 'PIN number'. "Terribly sorry, I'll start again: 'You're dead if you don't give me your PIN'.
@Purpell_Nurpell: People are always telling me I look like Hagrid from Harry Potter. I've never seen the movies, but she must be a beautiful gal.