@PyrBliss: Not having any friends means I'm always the pretty one.
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@TwatyTweets: When I have kids I'm gonna tell them drugs are good for them. It's the only way I can be sure they won't try them.
@TheBoydP: Wife: Put the dishes away I have other things to do. Me: ok *Me loading dishwasher with wife watching entire time to ensure I do it right*
@donni: Finally, you get a cab. The driver is a golden retriever. You hop in and hope for the best