@WhatevaConc: Not now ex-boyfriend. Someone favorited 2 of my tweets. I'm a huge deal around there now & you lost your chance. Just kidding. What time?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@WheelTod: I remember when I was 12, dad caught me smoking a ham; so to teach me a lesson he made me smoke an entire herd of piglets.
@sween: If I had a time machine, I'd go back in time to just before a famous person was supposed to be assassinated and borrow money from them.
@WilliamAder: Went to the store without my dentures because what are the odds Scarlett Johansson and I would be reaching for the same box of fish sticks?