@WhatevaConc: Not now ex-boyfriend. Someone favorited 2 of my tweets. I'm a huge deal around there now & you lost your chance. Just kidding. What time?
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@boring_as_heck: MISSING: SUPER ADORABLE PUPPY. WILL COME IF YOU PLAY WU-TANG HELLA LOUD. THIS IS NOT A PLOY TO GET THE NEIGHBORHOOD BUMPIN', THE DOG IS REAL
@MarlonBrandNO: [Date] Me: tell me about yourself Her: I'm really vegan Me: oh no Her: and I have a kid Me: oh no Her: his name is Kale Me: ohhh noo
@TheTweetOfGod: The Alabama Supreme Court has blocked same-sex marriage on the legal grounds that it is 1953.
@buseysteeth: You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.