@maebemarbles: Not one person is cooler than the pigeon that just walked all the way into this Mexican restaurant, gently picked up a taco chip, and left.
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@DaddyBeerGuy: Arguing with a woman is like being attacked by a bear... You're better off playing dead and hoping they get bored and walk away!
@MumsieEsq: When your 3yo spits a chewed up wad of cheese into your hand and you're like "where did you find this, I didn't give you any cheese today?"
@SteveSuckington: What she said: wanna share some nachos? What I heard: wanna race to see who can eat the most nachos?
@comer310: Orange: Knock knock Apple: Who's there? O: Orange A: Orange who? O: Orange you glad I didn't say Banana? A: Yes! That guy is the WORST!