@maebemarbles: Not one person is cooler than the pigeon that just walked all the way into this Mexican restaurant, gently picked up a taco chip, and left.
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@Robert_Beau: Her: Put your finger on it! Me: Like this? Her: Oh yeah, I can finish now! -Making the perfect bow
@Schmoodles: I dress up as a Girl Scout for my boyfriend, but just so we can practice our elaborate cookie heist.
@NewDadNotes: Mugger: [pulls knife] gimme your wallet Me: You picked the WRONG DAY to rob me Pal. I get paid Fri at midnight you should try again then
@lloydrang: Things i use duct tape for, by percentage: Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%