@SonOfCha: Not only are all my tweets stolen, but so are all my thoughts. And everything I say. And my identity. And this baby.
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@michelleisawolf: This weekend is daylight savings time, which means the clock on my microwave will be right again.
@simoncholland: Why would my wife ask if I was wearing this shirt when it's already on? Stop talking in secret code.
@HollyMemphis: If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?