@JohnLyonTweets: Not only was my brother not mad when I backed into his Porsche, he even invited me camping and said to bring a shovel. Whew!
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@duplicitron: When God made raccoons he was like do you want to be an old timey burglar or a trash digger. Too slow. You're both now.
@ceejoyner: Crowds hated it but the best weapon for fighting a lion in the gladiator ring was a spray bottle and a firm "NO."
@NikiWithIssues: Don't worry, officer, this isn't my blood. Really, stop searching me! I feel fine!
@ClichedOut: A 23-yr-old woman in India fought off an adult tiger with a stick. My cat stole my tuna sandwich right out of my hand.