@Shut_up_Marissa: Not right now green light, I'm taking a selfie.
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@carlyken: Detective: ok forensics is finished. I'll start here and you- Dog cop: I'll mark our territory [dog cop pees around the crime scene tape]
@CerebralWreck: Wife [interrogating]: How long have we been married dear? Me: How dare you try and sneak maths into this.
@Cali_Kid_Mike: I'm not into anything "weird", but this vacuum at Target looks like a total VILF.