@LurkAtHomeMom: Not saying I deserve a gold medal in parenting, but it's 4:47 PM and my 4yo just yelled "FINE THEN, I'M GOING TO BED!" So you be the judge.
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@Nahdude83: *DJ scratches a sick mix* [crowd goes wild] *DJ scratches a puppy's ear* [crowd "awws"] *DJ scratches Lotto ticket* [crowd "oohs"] *wins $1*
@jake_lach: The best thing about weed is it teaches you that it's okay to take 35 minutes to make a sandwich
@dreadnaught69: I was pretty sure you were the wrong kind of crazy. Then you used "luckfully" in a tweet and removed all doubt.
@iwearaonesie: *turns TV off* "THEY HAD CAMERAS EVERYWHERE BUT NOBODY SAW THE TOYS WALKING AROUND?!" - me every time I watch Toy Story 3