@DJRotaryRachel: Not saying Lois Lane is a shitty reporter but my friend showed up without his glasses on today and I recognized him after like 20 minutes.
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@animaldrumss: Rembrandt was unsurpassed in his ability to depict light and shadow in his works, until the camera came out. then he got insanely surpassed
@ShaeAaron: I just sent a text that says "we really need to talk" to everyone I know so nobody will bother me today.
@BrettDruck: I may seem confident on the outside but deep down on the inside I remember every time I've accidentally leaned on a light switch.
@Shock_Monster: It's been clinically proven that the most effective form of birth control I can use is: "Just be myself."