@DJRotaryRachel: Not saying Lois Lane is a shitty reporter but my friend showed up without his glasses on today and I recognized him after like 20 minutes.
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@garbagecoven: *voluntarily spends hours on the internet daily* neato *friend sends 5-min video to watch* do i look like im made of free time or something
@LlamaInaTux: TONIGHT ON HOUSE HUNTERS *extremely Australian accent* This here house is one of the most deadly in the world. Imma poke it with a stick
@AndyAsAdjective: Wife: How many beers is that for you today, dear? Me: Like 4 maybe. 5 tops. Wife: I counted 19. Me: Well I rounded down.