@PuncherJetpack: Not saying obamacare is perfect but the data doesn't lie. With Obamacare there've been zero Hitlers. Before obamacare there was at least one
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@onion_an: Me: What music you into? Date: I love hip hop Me: Yeah me too [thinking of something to say to impress her] Me: Soup Dogg is my cousin
@1Bad_Scientist: *at Thanksgiving dinner* Me: One of you is eating poison green bean casserole. Everyone: *gasp* Me: Just kidding you all are.
@CourageDR: I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there's no point in bothering with hash browns then.
@angibangie: I took my kids to the playground and now they want me to push them on the swings. Jesus Christ, haven't I done enough?