@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Not saying you're shady but there is a family of squirrels gathered around your ankles.
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@sara_ashlynn: Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
@huntigula: GOD: it's time I punished the humans again JESUS: cool. flood or plague? GOD:[watching The Apprentice] oh I've something way worse in mind..
@KalvinMacleod: Baby elephants migrate hundreds of miles to find water. My 6 year old is lying on the floor of the mall because I made him walk from the car