@SCbchbum: Not sure, but I think I just got to 3rd base with my toothbrush.
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@donnalburt: The definition of confidence: when you go to the toilet with 3 devices in your pocket.
@davedittell: well, son, we named you after where you were conceived; that's why you're called The Frightening, Tyrannical Hellscape of Obama's America
@ThRealBallsDeep: Me:Siri, why don't I have any friends? Siri:*shows me my Google search history* M:Good call.
@ilovepie84: Somebody should tell Forrest Gump that on the back of the box of chocolates it tells you exactly what you're going to get.