@SCbchbum: Not sure, but I think I just got to 3rd base with my toothbrush.
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@SortaBad: *slaps the cup out of the barista's hand* "No. I want Asriel, the guy with the man-bun, to make my latte. He has a better energy"
@Chumpstring: Crazy that in 2017 auto-flush toilets still can't distinguish between someone who's peeing and someone crouching down to get a sip of water.
@MomOfTeen: Immediately after walking into a store with your spouse, stop, block the entrance, and discuss why you both came. It's all good. I'll wait.