@WilliamAder: Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
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@LookAwayMomDad: I paid $200,000 for an English degree and my coworker just asked me to proofread her Facebook status.
@Home_Halfway: The proper way to make a Caesar salad is to repeatedly stab it with dozens of other people in a Senate building.
@monks_19: If I'm ever on life support, unplug me, let me sit for 15-30 secs, plug me back in and see if that works.
@leahlovescheez: My gynecologist recognized me at the grocery store, so I guess I need to start wearing longer skirts.