@o__0Dev: Not sure if I want buns of steel, or buns of cinnamon.
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@missmayn: My therapist asked me to list my good qualities:nnNice to everyone's facenUsually wear deodorantnThin cheese slicernnThat took four hours.
@david8hughes: "Have u seen my cat?" "I saw a cat down the road?" "Really? [shows me a picture] was it this cat?" "No, the one I saw was dead."
@flashember: [Cop arresting a centipede] *clink* *clink* *clink* *clink* *clink* *opens crate of new handcuffs* *clink* *clink* *clin
@dave_cactus: [at my dad's funeral after he drowns] ME: *places a wreath made of a life preserver on the coffin* It's what he would have wanted...