@LaniBeno: Not sure if I washed the spider down the drain in my shower or if he took one look at me naked and then leapt willingly to his death.
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@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: I like a man who can show his true feelings. ME: *leans in close* I don't care what you like.
@celestinelea90: This guy's shirt said 'blink if you want me' and now my eyes are watering and I need to close them but ohmygod you guys I DO NOT WANT HIM
@T_N_Crumpets: Waiter: black pepper? Me: sure Waiter: say when Me: [remembering I have large investments in numerous peppercorn plantations] haha sure