@LaniBeno: Not sure if I washed the spider down the drain in my shower or if he took one look at me naked and then leapt willingly to his death.
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@yendys1: Michael Cera, too timid to send his food back even though he's allergic to almonds, eats a meal and politely goes into anaphylactic shock.
@funnyortruth: Friend : "I wasn't that drunk!" Me : "Dude a thief stole your T.V and you ran after him screaming "YOU FORGOT THE REMOTE!!!"
@Beatonm5: ...a dentist on a toothpaste commercial with stethoscope around neck..., if my dentist started to listen to my heart I would freak out.
@samalmightysam: If Socrates had been a woman, he would've said: All I know is that I have all these clothes, but I have nothing to wear.