@emireecraire: Not sure if the bulb for my check engine light finally burned itself out or if my car magically fixed itself, but I'm going with the latter
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@TheToddWilliams: [boxing match] TRAINER: Give him the old 'one-two' CHAMP: I'm not too good at math TRAINER: Ok...a left and a right CHAMP: Or politics
@jwoodham: FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that's easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
@jwoodham: INTERVIEWER: What's your greatest strength? M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN: [Removes mask to reveal that he was actually the interviewer the whole time]