@NotthatAdamWest: Not sure what my dog thinks I do all day, but based on her excitement when I get home she apparently lives in constant fear I'll be murdered
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@mayamanion: I've been listening to the official workout station on Pandora for 3 months and I'm still fat, I'm calling bullshit.
@EndhooS: Lifeguard: SHARK! GET OUT OF THE WATER Me: [Remembers 150 people are killed by falling coconuts every year & only 5 from shark attacks] ..No
@juliussharpe: Million dollar idea - an app that connects you with other people eating beef jerky in their car.