@aguywithnolife: Not sure which is worse, the CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch saying he doesn't want ugly people wearing his clothes or that people still wear A&F
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@bourgeoisalien: The number one cause of depression in people over 30 is hearing co-workers resentfully sing, "Happy Birthday" just to get cake.
@TomTheWicked: Boss: What's for lunch? Me: Food. B: What kind of food? M: The kind you eat. B: ... M: ... B: ... Me: You hired me. This is your fault.
@samiam604: *on my deathbed* *groggy, dazed, & delirious* Me: I wonder if my TC ever really loved me? Wife: Honey, what's a TC? Me: *pulls plug*