@onelongbender: Not sure yet why this cookie dough has baking instructions on the package.
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@QwertyJones3: The only thing worse than finding a hair in your food is realizing that the person who prepared it has a bald head.
@DadUnderFire: I usually turn down the volume on my car radio when searching for an address, as if the house will shout out to me as I approach.
@KKAlThani: Relationship tip: every night text yourself "Good morning love!" & turn off your phone real quick to wake up with a good morning text.
@rocknthepurple: My right eye is twitching like it's at some kind of techno dance party that the rest of me wasn't invited to.