@senderblock23: Not to 1up you but *drops green mushroom on your head*
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@Brianhopecomedy: *Puts on muscle shirt* *Looks in mirror* Maybe it takes a few minutes to kick in.
@sofarrsogud: Me: Honey, I left work early to pick up the kids! Wife: But we d.. *I arrive into the kitchen with two small goats Meet Frank and Dolores
@T_Bonezzz: Cat: Grrrrrplukk...Grrrrrplukk...Grrrrrplukk...Grrrrrplukk... **Coughs up hairball** Dog: You gonna eat that?
@trojansauce: [being held back from my burning house by firemen] get off me you bastar- MY VIN DIESEL BODY PILLOW IS STILL IN THERE