@TheBoydP: Not to brag but a girl at this party said I look like the Hulk, of course it was when I was turning green from drinking too much, but still…
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@murrman5: *walks in house wearing a large neck brace* oh no, what happened? "my earbud cord got caught on a chair while I was walking"
@ninjadinosaur1: Basically, our plans for the satanic ritual fell through, because we couldn't agree on whose turn it was to get the goat.
@pseudofauxme: My tombstone will just say "Deactivated." I want people to be afraid that I could come back.