@TheRolo: Not to brag, but a news anchor started following me today. She recognizes a disaster when she sees one.
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@sarcasticmommy4: Parenthood has taught me that you can ruin someone's day by asking "did you brush your teeth?"
@BillMc7: Starbucks announced guns are no longer allowed in their stores. Seems crazy banks didn't think of this.
@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis is talking to a parrot. "I'm Bruce Willis" he says. The parrot repeats it. "yeah right" Bruce says, but is secretly worried