@mattgallo123: Not to brag, but according to this food packaging I just ate enough fancy cashews to serve 638 people.
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@AndrewNadeau0: I'm not rich in money, but I'm rich in friends and family. You know, the bad kind of rich.
@De_ja_vu_who: Deathbed confession Me: We're bankrupt Him: What? How? Me: I lied about being able to fold fitted sheets. I bought new ones every time
@TheToddWilliams: LASSIE: Arf! What's that girl? Timmy's in the old well? L: Arf arf He's dead? You sure? L: Arf! Okay here's a check for $5K L: ima need cash