@Jazzzzzmina: Not to brag, but I don't even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
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@Thynebear: Executioner: Before we do this, what would you like for your last meal? "I'll have a panda please" [judge, under his breath] Can he do that?
@TheToddWilliams: COP: Do you realize you were speeding back there? ME: Can you be sure it wasn't just the planet slowing down? COP: I'm listening