@tigersgoroooar: Not to brag, but I just bought Eggland's best eggs from the grocery store. Their BEST eggs. I got them.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@JennyJohnsonHi5: When a guy shaves his head bald and wears a sweatband, the top of his head looks like a stick of roll-on deodorant.
@toastymoe: Bad news: I got so busy drafting tweets, I forgot to pick the kids up at school. Worse news: I'm a bus driver