@WilliamAder: Took our cat to the vet today and, once again, she "forgot" her wallet.

@dubiousrhetoric: if u hurt ur leg u can use the frozen veggies at whole foods as ice packs 4 free. hold on im getting an update from the manager. no u cannot

@gabemakesmusic: damn girl are you a mouse because your body is decomposing in my drywall

@Spaziotwat: [10,000 BC] Primary cause of death: Eaten [Now] Primary cause of death: Eating

@Vodkantots: Him: Tell me something interesting about yourself. Me: If my head got run over by a truck, it would explode like a watermelon.