@TommyKarate: Forgot to open the door before applying hand lotion so now I'm stuck in my restroom forever.

@hmcpherson17: Sitting outside the dentist office eating Oreos, b/c I think everyone should earn their pay.

@WGladstone: When God closes a door, he opens a window. So God's pretty clearly getting high in his dorm room.

@dafloydsta: I once dated a girl for 3 months because we were stuck in a hammock.

@jdforshort: Apparently it's frowned upon to wipe sweat from the brow of a sexy guy at the gym Who knew