@realHamOnWry: Not to brag, but I never had to take a vow of celibacy. It just kinda happened naturally.
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@TommyKarate: Forgot to open the door before applying hand lotion so now I'm stuck in my restroom forever.
@hmcpherson17: Sitting outside the dentist office eating Oreos, b/c I think everyone should earn their pay.
@WGladstone: When God closes a door, he opens a window. So God's pretty clearly getting high in his dorm room.