@sixfootcandy: Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.
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@FattMernandez: I can never tell if my cat left a dead bird at my door, or if it's the dead bird I ordered from Amazon.
@Book_Krazy: I really hate it when I have to go to work because my abundant wealth doesn't exist.
@13spencer: I work in the entertainment industry, so the only way I could lie more is if I worked in politics.
@GABBYdaAngSaya: Her: Couldn't you have picked a better record to beat? Me: *covered in 13,000 bees* There's no way this can end badly, Susan.