@piranhapanorama: Not to get too technical, but chemistry says alcohol IS a solution. So I win.
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@slimmy_shady: This chick last night told me to do her like her ex husband so I drained her bank accounts and banged her sister
@Vodkantots: Him: Tell me something interesting about yourself. Me: If my head got run over by a truck, it would explode like a watermelon.
@MichaelLarrick: Uber is great because it gives me an opportunity to talk down to people that have nicer cars than me.