@Jennuflect: Not tryin' to brag, but my sex life is like a dormant volcano. It was fiery, but now it's inactive. Also, I killed a bunch of villagers.
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@CornerPubRon: Halloween is without question the easiest time of year to kill somebody and just leave their body decomposing on your porch for a month
@TellingTellers: An interrogator that just goes into the room and loudly eats a peach until the suspect confesses to everything.
@zachreinert03: If I see someone is too drunk I take their keys. Not for safety, they're probably blacked out and just won't remember I stole their car.
@Douchekevin: At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that's not my wifes phone number at all. She's zero fun today