@Jennuflect: Not tryin' to brag, but my sex life is like a dormant volcano. It was fiery, but now it's inactive. Also, I killed a bunch of villagers.
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@Rollinintheseat: Please, person who just said "libary", tell me more about what an avid reader you are.
@KevinFarzad: I carry a rolled up yoga mat so people think I'm fit but really it's just a great way to hold 2 footlong meatball subs.
@lionprincessval: I can't come into work today *cough* I'm really sick. "Do I hear Mario Kart in the background?" *hangs up*
@kelkulus: I always sleep naked. I don't care if it makes people uncomfortable, they can just switch buses.