@Jennuflect: Not tryin' to brag, but my sex life is like a dormant volcano. It was fiery, but now it's inactive. Also, I killed a bunch of villagers.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@bigmacher: Cat saves kid? Please. My cat would've pushed me into traffic, stolen my identity, & would be living it up in Mexico by now.
@Jamdug: Friend: "Hey, that girl is cute. Can you put in a good word for me?" Me: "Sure" *walks up to girl* *whispers* "magnanimous"
@KeetPotato: [interrupts gf talking about her dream wedding] lol a horse drawn carriage? "what's funny about that?" a horse can't hold a pencil karen