@Jennuflect: Not tryin' to brag, but my sex life is like a dormant volcano. It was fiery, but now it's inactive. Also, I killed a bunch of villagers.
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@WritePlay: When people ask What Would Jesus Do, I remember how he hid in that cave for 3 days after people were so mean to him. That's more my speed.
@iAmDelFreaky: In elementary I got all the chicks because my box of crayons had a built-in sharpener. Been on a dry spell ever since. Just me & my crayons.
@tastefactory: Young mom: My baby is 34 months Me: Oh really I'm 407 months yeah I hope you like doing math you piece of shit
@peachgrenade: A good friend is like a four leaf clover: sometimes you accidentally run them over with a lawnmower