@CarolinaSong: Not tryin to impress anyone BUT the priest did just say I had the "body of Christ" right before he fed me a cracker. Gym has been paying off
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@animaldrumss: Jesus: Those were the times when I carried you son Me: And when the vending machine ate my dollar? Jesus: That time you bought me a Snickers
@gruffybeard: 911: What's your emergency? Me: I'm scared. I *gasp* can't *gasp* breathe *gasp* again! 911: Sir, for the last time, unbutton your pants.