@CarolinaSong: Not tryin to impress anyone BUT the priest did just say I had the "body of Christ" right before he fed me a cracker. Gym has been paying off
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@leahlovescheez: Why do I have to answer security questions to pay my bills? Ohmygod please tell me there are hackers out there trying to pay my bills....
@thatcarlygirl: "Please don't do this," I beg, as the hairdresser tries to start up another conversation.
@kDuncanG: my accountant: look at ur currently monthly budget: · RENT: $800 · GAS: $200 · CHEEZ-ITS: $2,750 me: ur right, i need a cheaper place.
@amydillon: My son just demanded to be changed into different pajamas for breakfast. Thanks, royal baby.