@dumbbeezie: Not trying to brag but my son’s teacher wants his artwork to be looked at by a psychologist
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@Dis0beyJay: [ First Date ] Her: So you're a MMA fighter? * flashback to me kickboxing a mannequin at Nordstrom's * Me: Yea, I'm still training
@TheGoodGodAbove: The only way Congress will ever pass common sense gun control is if they're threatened at gunpoint
@SteveSuckington: Why does Jehovah need so many witnesses? Sounds like a pretty shady dude to me.
@rainerfm: Little did I know the first time I bought a 3-pack of condoms that I was buying a lifetime supply.