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@slyoung5: Note to self:
1) Your memory sucks.
2) Write note to self.
@PMTheron1: There was a praying mantis in my room so I stealthily grabbed a shoe and smashed my 2nd-story window and jumped out.
@toomanytoes: Evil villain: I've been expecting you.
*Swivels around in swivel chair*
*Superhero runs over & spins chair faster*
Evil villian: WEEEEE!
@better_off_dad: Turbulence is just God's little way of telling us we're NOT BIRDS.
@juliussharpe: For just $28,000, I will teach any politician or politician's wife to wave like a normal human being.
@Not_a_JesusGirl: I hate it when I'm at someone's house and they ask stupid questions like "Who are you?" and "Is that a gun?"