@goodtimenoel: Note to self: Before committing any murders, get head and shoulders. Can't be leaving DNA all over the place.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@InternetHippo: I was 13 the first time I tried probiotics. Some kids were passing a cup of yogurt around at a party. I figured why not? Now I’m in prison.
@michaelianblack: Kim Davis becoming a Republican, dealing a huge blow to the "intolerant homophobic religious fundamentalist" wing of the Democratic Party.
@PaulyPeligroso: 90 years from now, they'll sing songs about the courage and bravery you displayed during the great "Instagram Selling Your Photos" skirmish.