@OreoSpeedwagon_: Note to self: hairspray does not kill spiders; it merely increases their strength and makes them look flawless all day.
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@KeithSantagato: #WhyDoPeopleThinkItsOkayTo replace letters in words with numbers....well now i don't feel like reading the math equation you just sent me
@ComedicBust: *Speed Dating* Me: What'd you have for lunch? Her: Funny you should ask, I had this really great salad wit... Me: NEXT!!
@Anon_imosity: I bought my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday. Not a great gift I know, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it