@jordan_stratton: Note to Self: In future interviews, don't say "Safe in your strong arms" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ElKnuckelhombre: I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
@MarkAgee: If I win Powerball, I'm having at least six of you killed. Four of you know who you are. I think the other two will be very surprised.
@ValeeGrrl: What I say: Get dressed Brush teeth Get in the car What my kids hear: Have a snack Shriek like monkeys Open 3 umbrellas indoors Go poop
@moose_chocolate: *man invents wheel* "How can we possibly improve this?" *Man invents wheel of cheese* "Nailed it!"