@KeetPotato: [at my date's front door]
wait, so you've known i was a koala the whole time?
"yeah"
[me clinging to her arm slowly eating a leaf]
how tho?
@Carbosly: Want to get rid of your boyfriend without killing him?
Send him to the grocery store for water chestnuts.
Mine has been gone 5 months.
@KalvinMacleod: Me: Can I pet your dog?
Stranger: sure
M: one more time
S: uh, ok
M: again
S: maybe you should get your own
M: pet
S: we have to go
M: mine
@Try2StopME: 99% of my socks are single. You don't see them crying about it.
@MariyaAlexander: My favorite thing to do at a rock and roll concert is to yell “kiss, kiss, kiss” every time the guitarists stand close together and face each other to riff
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