@marcia_bee: Note to self: "rubber" in the US does NOT mean "eraser". Bright side: my popularity in this office is at an all time high!
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@MorganJ7: I don't friend zone people I relationship zone them. You want to be my friend? Too bad, we're dating.
@jake_likes_naps: [Ouija board in Starbucks] "Speak to me spirits" O M G H A V E U S E E N W H A T K R I S T Y I S W E A R I N G G R O S S
@Audenary: *notices ham sandwich while searching inside myself* 'wait, if that's here' *son opens lunchbox to find debilitating existential malaise*