@joeljeffrey: Nothing cuts deeper than an insult with bad grammar and a spelling mistake.
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@DraggingFeeties: The hardest part of making new friends is weeding out the people who just want to sell you leggings.
@ArfMeasures: [Wife rubbing her temples after I told her how my job interview went] What...what do you mean, you "tried some breakdancing"?
@rickolantern: *buys dog organic, free-range, non-nitrate chicken treats for $7.99, buys self Big Mac
@KalvinMacleod: HR: How do you think we can better handle this in the future? ME [glaring at Cheryl, who took the last donut]: idk, maybe don’t hire Cheryl