@Slightly_Savage: Nothing good can come out of answering your landline.
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@cogentanalysis: "I want the box where I poop to smell like my poop or else I won't want to poop there. Whoa whoa, not THAT much like my poop! Jesus!" - cats
@MelKassel: SCIENTIST: it's our thinnest toilet paper yet, sir. less than a picometer CEO: *rips it by breathing on it* put it in every public restroom
@Brampersandon_: WAITER: Would you like the usual, Mr Smith? MR SMITH: *all smugly* Do birds fly? *Penguin at the next table slams down his menu*