@MissBamantha: Nothing in the history of the English language has backfired more than the phrase "calm down."
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@divatulips: Give me coffee to change the things i can change and wine to accept the things i can't.
@Mr_Kapowski: [ATM, with a line of people behind me] Me: *turns around* Sorry, forgot my PIN. How does that song go? 867 and then what?
@MartaEffing: Therapist: Do you project your problems onto others? Me: Don't flip out, but I feel like you're asking me that to make yourself look smart.