@KateWhineHall: Nothing is better than working out to 80s music. Except listening to 80s music without working out.
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@SortaBad: "President Clinton, can you respond to rumors of renewed infidelity?" The only woman in my life is my darling *squints at notecard* Hitlery
@sageboggs: Worst flight I've ever been on. Waited for hours, plane never left the ground.. I'm never flying Airbnb again
@Dani_Feld: Relationship status: I just found a piece of chicken in my hair. I ate it. Then looked for more.
@WilliamAder: As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it's a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?